September 22, 2011

Invisible Giants

I don’t know where I stand these days. A lot of issues are bugging me out. Maybe I’m responsible for bringing up these issues into my life. Why can’t bygones be bygones? Why should everything have to be like this... you know... unmanageable and it feels like I’m viewing everything to resemble a messed up knot... Hard to untangle or maybe I just don’t have the strength or heart or whatever it is to untie this huge knot... sort it out so that I can handle all the problems one by one.

 Ha, I can’t even solve one silly problem and talk about even thinking of sorting out all these multiple problems at hand. I just can’t do it all at once. I can’t even seem to resolve them one by one. Oh, I’m so messed up. I’m literally feeling all messed up. My uncombed hair speaks miles about what’s going on in that brain beneath it. I feel like going underground, like vanishing from my room, like running away from everything, like escaping into the void. I know none of the things I just said are the right solutions to all my problematic repositories.

Then what is the solution??? Neither can I handle my problems nor can I give up on them. I feel exhausted just by thinking about them. I’ve tried the careless approach. I’ve stopped caring about them. Well it’s more like if manage to stop caring for myself and the problems that constitute me for a few days (now a days it stretches out into months!), then boom... I’d be greeted with more problems than there were before I had stopped caring for them.
Is there no end to this... how do I put it... this whole charade? Why am I thinking in circles? I know I don’t get any solutions out of these questioning and whining games that I’m playing with myself right now. But then why don’t I just stop this craziness? Or maybe I should just accept that the ship of sanity has long since sailed and I’m left out alone on a port that belongs to the city of the “messed up cuckoos”! Is it just me? I don’t think so. Everybody has problems that they can’t face at times of confusion. It’s the problem of an unprocessed mind coupled with uncoordinated body and soul. I just feel sick and hopeless and weighed down by all these invisible giants called problems.

Sigh... no answers today. I guess I’ll just have to wait (and in the meantime pick my brain with more crazy questions!) and see if I’ll manage to undo all these messy knots that I’m supposedly stuck in.

This is me signing out on a grim and confounded note.

September 17, 2011

That Song...

That Song...

As the midnight clock ticks in,
I feel the tears rolling down my chin;
Listening to the song that once made my life,
A living fantasy;
I now realize, I'm back where I started.
It’s like the time capsule has frozen my feelings,
And all these days, I had just moved on
 With the physical time.
As I listen to the song yet again,
I feel my heart getting transported;
Back to the time, where I felt
 Alive in all aspects.
But now, my heart is just an empty hole
And I’m unable to fill it up,
With any new hope.

My world around me is in total chaos,
Yet here I am, walking down
The memory lane...
And everything just slows down.
I can re-see all those moments,
That we shared together,
With precise clarity.
But when the song plays its last verse
And finally comes to an end;
I’m pulled back to the current time.
And all I’m left now is a track,
Of dried up tears and a time,
That can never be returned.

Note: Everybody has a song that is attached to a certain piece of memory that holds a special place in their heart. When we listen to that song, automatically that memory starts playing and replaying through our minds. Sometimes it brings happiness and sometimes such memories just hurt.

Shared with: poetry pantry, poetry jam
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