I feel so trapped inside. No goals, no determination, no desire and NO CLUE whatsoever. What am I going to do with my life? Looks like this life of mine has come to a miserable halt. There is no track from here on that would lead me to the so called destination. What is my destination? I hear the word Destiny in the word destination. What is my destiny? Did god give me this messed up, about to be fucked up life just so that I can ask this question?
Destiny is overrated. Just like the movies. Just like the art shows. Just like every other colourful aspects humans create to indulge in. It’s a fucking camouflage. A lie. That is the ultimate truth. Destiny possesses our souls, brainwashing our hearts to make the mind believe that the body has to strive hard, for the ultimate “desty”-nation.
Nope. No way. Not in this lifetime. Ah, these are the negative vibes that I feel so familiar with. It’s a strange thing, but these words give me an ironic comfort inside. Almost like I am agreeing to them without a fight. I take pleasure in pessimism now. Because I know ultimately when all the hope, faith and the rainbow coloured optimism leaves me, I’ll be greeted by my good-old friend pessimism. Negativity is like a sarcastic symphony. It is just below our hearts waiting to pull it down whenever the heart gets overwhelmed to soar high because of over-optimism or excessive trusting. It keeps our heart grounded.
An everyday optimistic person can point out that this negative aura of mine does nothing but cage my dreams, hopes and desires. But they are so wrong. Reality now-a-days is more real than what the word reality actually expresses. Everything is not white, pink or golden. Black is a good colour and so is grey. I am surrounded by darkness.
I feel lost, yet I feel like I’m home.