December 31, 2012

2013, Will you be mine?

Thank god this year is ending. I'm literally glad to be moving on to the next year. What did the year 2012 did to me? It didn’t do anything to me, per se. It was all me. I landed myself in situations without any pre-warnings, became a rather insane victim of multiple mood-swings resulting in irrational decision makings. I became a nomad. I still am. I don’t know where I belong right now. I’m just drifting through this so called life. Still aiming to get an aim in life so that I can “focus” on something at the very least. Nope. This year was just not for me. And it ends on that sad, bitter note.

There’s got to be some good stuff that happened this year? Well, the world didn’t end! So that’s really good for me to carry out further life experiments! I’m trying really hard to think of some good stuff I experienced these 12 months that I can type here. Now, that’s a really pitiable sign indeed! But I will make a list. Maybe it’ll tell me this year wasn’t so bad after all. And maybe at the end of this list, I might get inspired to end this post on a positive, bright note. Boy, I really want to believe in white lies now, don’t I?

  1.      January: For the first time I celebrated the New Year at other than my Mysore home. Bangalore; with my dad, cousins and my project friends. Drank red wine and ate pani puris, with less pani and more vodka in them!!

  2.      February: Nah, nothing good happened that month.

  3.      March: My birthday. Bittersweet memory right now. Because I’m pretty certain that would be that last time I’d be surprised by my friends and also get to cut two different cakes in one day!

  4.      April: The Kashmir trip with my parents and brother. Best 5 days of my life. It still helps me to mentally transport myself to those beautiful snow-capped mountain ranges and crystal clear lakes whenever I’m low.

  5.      May: Project finalization pressure. And euphoria at the end of the month as we got it completed. Five month’s hard work and kiss-assing the lecturers finally paid off!!

  6.      June: Exam time. I still remember my confident and clear mind-set after writing each paper. Felt good to be sure of myself.

  7.      July: Result and the fact that I was an engineer.

  8.      August: Nothing special to recall. Just me and my weight loss spree, got me to visit some new places and to meet different people.

  9.      September: Decision time. MBA or JOB? Spent first 20 days of the month researching and deciding on a few MBA colleges.  Spent the next 10 days to back out of the plan as I suddenly felt this dark feeling in my pit. And that feeling was: “I needed to work”. And I have a tendency to follow the dark, unsure path with a hope to see some light at the end.

  10. October: Moved out of my house. Bangalore called. Learned to adjust to Bangalore life-frequent bus travels, long miserable walks under hot sun until either my slipper snapped or I turned a shade darker.

  11. November: Met a lot of people- people looking for jobs, people giving jobs, people calling me to attend interviews at various locations. And also someone very interesting.

  12. December? It’s been a rough mental wave ride. Haven’t’ figured out what it was this month that caused me to detest everything that’s been leading up to this moment. Made some stupid regrettable mistakes without meaning to do so and that lead to a lot of drama (But if everything resolves in the future, I could actually write a book on all of it!!). But for now, I’m still clueless and heavy-hearted. No good stuffs here for sure, except the self-satisfaction that I’m writing again!

 So on the last day of 2012, I quote this; “Every year there will be a lot of heights and lows. Bad things happen, a lot at times. It makes you question yourself over and over. It gives you fear, frustration, anguish and anger. And worst of all it stops you from looking after your back and disrupt your life with your own crazy thoughts. But everyone tells me that everything happens for a reason. I have decided to believe in this in spite of all that’s happened so far tells me not to do so. So it’s a healthier approach to believe in happy endings rather than fear for a bad future ahead. HOPE does not fail a true believer. Be true to yourself, no matter what comes your way. You are the only person standing between you and your goals and progress in life. Just make sure you are there as a good supporter rather than a lousy hurdle”.

And on that note, I wish every clueless and clairvoyant people alike a very Happy and Fantastic New Year.

2013, I hereby declare thou as my year!!
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